Intuition vs Projections

Intuition: a subtle bodily awareness, inner knowing that does not need explanation.

Projection: a mental construction, images and narratives I create to fill in what I do not truly know.  

I use my intuition when I am painting, when I am creating. I rely on my intuition first. The images, the colors, the forms show up later. I follow the inner knowledge, blindly, like I am dancing to music.

Mental projections start happening after I have already begun the work. I start imagining what the result is going to be, how it will look, the colors, the shapes etc. 

The interesting part, something extremely important to note: the mental projection never, ever matches the end result.  I have never created exactly what I saw in my head. Never!

Even with the latest painting I finished, in which I used a photograph as a reference — so I had a clear projected image of the final result — even then, the finished painting does not reflect what I originally saw in my mind.

Intuition is knowledge for the present. Projection is an invented future.

When I am painting, I am constantly balancing intuition with mental chatter. I know perfectly well that my role is to be in control. 

Yesterday, I made a lot of assumptions and projections based on a Teams meeting. The intuition that changes are coming is probably correct, given the restructuring the company is going through.

The projection that I am going to be laid off, though, is an invention. It gave me anxiety. 

Need to take in consideration that, my assumptions were based on 1 hour online meeting, that I am somewhat isolated working from home, and that there is a general, growing anxiety everywhere about the implementation of AI. 

Yesterday, I wrote a statement, certain that i knew what was happening. I need to stop doing that. Nothing is certain, nothing. I need to question my own mental assumptions, my own mental movies. 

Also, just because someone disappears, or I haven’t seen or heard from them for a while, doesn’t mean it has anything to do with something I did or said. I have a tendency to default to that.

From now on: QUESTION, question your mind, question assumptions.  Do not write absolute statements, like the statement I wrote yesterday. 

A meeting has been scheduled for Tuesday, so I’ll find out then what’s going on. In the meantime, I won’t think about it. Tomorrow: I'll go to paint with Doug at his studio. I do miss hanging out with him, miss his  energy, laughing and being rebellious together.  I miss being playful and childlish...

 I will paint, read, go to the gym, take walks or a hike. I will enjoy the whole weekend. 

It promises to be sunny and beautiful!