Ciegos

Para los ojos del mundo
pertenecíamos a dos mundos opuestos.

Tú,
el intelectual,
el genio,
hijo de una familia prestigiosa,
rodeado de nombres,
de títulos,
de historia.

Yo, para ellos,
una nadie:

una cirquera,
farandulera,
bastarda,
medio loca,

ni siquiera cerca
de la misma clase
ni de la misma alcurnia
que tú.

Para los ojos del mundo
éramos un error,
una ecuación mal resuelta,
una mezcla imposible.

No entendían
cómo era que, a pesar de todo,
nos entendíamos tan bien.

Cómo nuestras voces
se encontraban
cuando hablábamos de arte,
de filosofía,
de poesía,
de libros
abiertos como ventanas.

No entendían
cómo podíamos pasar horas
mirando el mismo cuadro,
la misma idea,
la misma pregunta
sin cansarnos.

No lo entienden
ni lo van a entender.

Porque están ciegos.

Ciegos a lo invisible,
ciegos a lo que no tiene precio,
ciegos a esa corriente secreta
que une a dos mentes
cuando se reconocen.

Ciegos,
ciegos,
ciegos.

memento

​

Notas

I can’t stop thinking about the details Lydia told me yesterday.

—He was in pain, and he drove himself to the hospital for about 20 minutes.
— He parked far from the entrance, which means he walked while in pain.
— When they were intubating him, Lydia says he gave instructions about where the last piece of music and the last book or story he wrote were archived, and told her: “you know exactly what to do”

To me, these are very good signs. This is someone who wants to keep living.

(It’s a very different situation from PJ’s. PJ also wanted to keep living, something me and Kate we only understood later.)

I need to communicate this to Lydia, because she’s a bit worried that he doesn’t want to do his part. But the reality is that he’s drugged and full of sedatives and other medications.​ 

I also feel that he was somewhat ready for this, as if he intuitively knew something was coming. 

Remember Blue

​A very hectic day. Lydia and MI went home to take care of some things; I stayed in the room with JC.

He was very calm all morning. The sunlight coming into the room seemed to brighten and soothe the atmosphere.

I played music for him. I started with Ravi Shankar, because I have always found his music very relaxing and calming.

Then I played an album by Habib Koité. The song Din Din Wo is my favorite; it always brings me a feeling of peace.

After that I played some Trance Planet music. But he seemed to respond much better to the album Moon Safari by Air, particularly the song “Remember”. 

Need to make a note of that! 

So we listened to music while I danced around his bed.

Later L and MI arrived. They adjusted something on the ventilator, and that agitated him. It agitated him so much that he almost pulled out the breathing tube himself. They had to restrain him. After that episode there were more throughout the afternoon. You can tell he is in pain and very desperate because of the tube. It has been very hard to see him like that.

I drove home to pick up my things. On the way I kept feeling like I was falling asleep. When I got home, I took a shower, drank a strong coffee, and came back.

Now we are here again in the same waiting room, which has also become our bedroom.

Very little sleep happens here. I tried to read, draw, and watch something on Netflix, but I couldn’t concentrate. I went walking through all the hospital floors until I felt completely exhausted, and then I was finally able to fall asleep.

In the hallways I saw an Asian family comforting each other, crying. Then other people waiting for their loved ones.

I also met a man named Billy. His wife, Lisa, had a kidney transplant and they have already been here for more than a month.

I remember their names because I promised Billy that I would pray for his wife. Tomorrow I will ask Lydia if we can do something for her.

Since day one, Lydia and I found Level 2 the most poetic. So we’ve made a point of always parking on Level 2 so that we will always, always remember Blue.

el corazón

A mí también

se me abrió el corazón…

se me ha abierto varias veces.

Y aunque se han posado en él,

lo sigo exponiendo

dejándolo salir

que sueñe 

que vuele 

que vaya a donde el quiere 

se subió en los hombros 

de un extraño 

hace poco 

se quedó ha 

escuchar 

lo que decía 

y leer 

lo que 

escribía 

voló como un pájaro 

a este lugar 

donde el sol 

está brillando 

en todo 

su esplendor 

Poco a poco...

no hay prisa, 

no hay horas 

que marcar 

ni lugares donde estar 

ni gente que visitar 

no hay nada 

nada, nada, nada 

si nos lleva una vida, 

una vida nos lleva 

no hay prisa 

poco a poco 

lento pero seguro 

Give it a name...

Give it a name:

brother 

sister 

friend 

husband 

wife 

mother 

ex mother 

Give it a name.

Lo dice Lydia a los doctores, lo digo yo...  

¿Qué somos? No somos nada…

No compartimos el mismo vientre
ni los mismos apellidos,

pero compartimos el mismo país,
el mismo planeta,
el mismo universo.

Sobre todo, compartimos nuestra pasión por el arte
y por lo bello.

Nos une la necesidad de elevar lo ordinario
a lo extraordinario.
Nos une la curiosidad por lo misterioso,
mirar allí donde otros no quieren ver.

Nos une la rebeldía
y la resistencia
a dejar que el mundo simbólico nos defina.