Suenos

 I am arriving to what seems to be City College and I am dropping off two paintings, one super large one, an abstract colorful painting, and one smaller, that has more figurative motifs. 

There are other people, there, other artists, my printmaking teacher Anita is there. I get somehow distracted, I walk away, and I open the door, Chandra, is at the other side, I say hello, she says hello kind of distance. I wonder if everything is ok. I started talking to another person, telling them how I met Chandra, and how one time we pranked her with a card congratulating her for her pregnancy. I go back to where my paintings are. Someone wants an explanation of my painting, the small one. I started sort of talking about it. That person says, "is good, but is too small" - At that moment, I realize that every other painting there is huge, large. And my painting, somehow shrinks, looks even smaller. Suddenly, I remember: I did bring another big piece! I say. I go looking for it, and I can't find it. I started to get anxious. My painting is no where to be found. I realized that it has been stolen! 

I get extremely angry, and no one else seems to care, just me. That makes me even more angry. I promise to sue city college. I gave up, looking, I am very sad. I go to the second floor, and from there, I see a pick up truck leaving, and on the truck, there is another huge canvas I also brought. I started yelling: That's my canvas! but the truck left. A feeling of frustration. A feeling that things were being taken from me, and I was unable to stop it or get any support. 

On the second dream, I am at the same place. There is a younger version of me. I am talking to a mathematician, about numbers. I see she (younger me) has a hoodie with some equation on it. I know she has no idea what it means, but she wears it because intuitively she knows it has a bigger meaning. 

I see her looking at herself in the mirror, with the hoodie, like asking who she is. A feeling that I need to let her alone and no answer that for her.

Los bots aman mi arte!

​

Las canciones que escribi

Hoy miraba mi cuadro Rayuela. y, desde ahí, se vuelve evidente mi obsesión con la luna. Siempre mirándola, siempre mirando hacia arriba, hacia las estrellas, quiza porque el mundo de abajo era una mierda. Por eso me obesionaba con mirar el cielo, especialmente en la noche...mirando el espacio, la luna, habia un misterio alli, una esperanza, una realidad alterna. algo mas grande que mi, mas grande que todo el planeta. 

Me vinieron a la memoria, estas canciones que escribi, en esos tiempos oscuros. Hay que escribirlas, antes de que se me olviden por completo...antes de que me muera.

Caminando en el Silencio

Bajo la luz de la luna, 

tiempo para hay soñar 

dejar libre los extraños matices 

del pensamiento. 

Abordando la alegria, 

que te mantiene de pie, 

conjugando verbos en futuro, 

y sonriendo. 

Caminando en el silencio, 

entre el cielo y entre el sol. 

Se asoman los poemas, 

donde se presume amor, 

Arriesgando la alegria, 

ignorando la razon, 

donde se rompen esquemas, 

queda errante el corazon. 

Bajo la luz de la luna, 

con atencion oigo la noche, 

revelando sus extraños secretos 

a una sola voz. 

Baladas de Amor

Dibuja luz en cada oscuridad, 

no hay margarita, sin deshojar. 

Los frios rieles donde va la vida, 

no hay sol que no los haga calentar 

Como una rosa que se pierde en el mar 

como un acertijo sin decifrar, eres tu 

los trinos de un amanecer 

un ave azul que va a volar 

Baladas de amor, 

al amanecer, 

luna llena que brilla, sobre el mar 

el grito de un alma, que 

se pierde en las estrellas, que 

tan solo busca un lugar, 

en donde pueda con toda 

libertad soñar... 

tan solo soñar

Un peldaño mas, que subir, 

una risa, un llanto, que vivir 

pero en lo alto permanece un sol

que no brilla menos, que el dia anterior. 

cuando se cierran todas las salidas, 

hay una venta esperando por ti, 

solo tu, conoces el secreto, 

lo oculta tu corazon 

Baladas de Amor 

al amanecer 

luna llena que brilla sobre el mar, 

el grito de un alma, que 

se pierde en las estrellas, que 

tan solo busca un lugar, 

en donde pueda con toda libertad soñar, 

tan solo soñar....

Study- do as they do…

​Another quick study blocking shadows. I am just repeating what artist Christina Kent does. I think the purpose is to focus more on the contrast between light and shadows, as abstract forms, that suggest the subject; rather then fixating on details, which will allow for more expressive brush strokes, which is my ultimate goal. i just mapped the painting on the canvas, and it was so much easier to draw it, now that i’ve been studying the lights and shadows 

Sueños

​I am with a group of people. We are playing a game, like a scavenger hunt. We each have a paper with the clues. We are going to different houses. There is a clue, very ambiguous, that each interpret in different ways. We were wondering what the correct answer was. I had some sort of epiphany, that the answer was in how we each interpreted the clue. I didn’t know how to communicate this to others. 

I sat in the lobby of one of the houses, to observe everyone arguing about the right answer. The answer was not in what they were saying, but what they were doing and how they were reacting. I was about to solve it, when a music came very loud from inside the house. 

Suddenly, I started walking in, trying to find out where the music came from. 

————— 

In another dream, I am talking to my sister Dana, through a computer. I can see her, but sometimes when she is talking, something changes. I realized she is using some sort of AI technology, to fix or edit what she is saying. I commented this to someone, and that person made a comment about how people aren’t talking to each other anymore, they are all editing and censoring. I tried to explain that we all do this without computer when we talk, That AI is only making this process faster. But editing and censoring ourselves when we speak is something we all already do. Sometimes we are imprudent or say things we later regret. Then we replay it in our minds what we should have said, or shouldn’t have said, and we adjust ourselves for the next time, almost like a robot reprogramming itself. AI is only speeding this process, correcting and fixing it before it even happens. 

I also made a comment that the only way to have a real pure conversation is without words; Using a language that We create right at the moment. Not even AI can’t catch up because the language does not exist. We are all conditioned to think that the only valid way of communicating is with words, yet words are so limited therefore limiting us. Our universe our existence and experience is filled with so many unknowns and complexities there are no words to describe it. 

La Pureza

Caminamos por un bosque , digamos el Golden Gate Park- y casi de inmediato, en el momento en que nos sumergimos bajo los árboles, algo en nosotros se aquieta. Nos sentimos bien. Es una experiencia que todos buscamos: estar entre árboles, frente al mar, escalar montañas. Hay algo ahí que nos atrae profundamente.

Pienso que es porque a la naturaleza no le exigimos nada. No le pedimos orden ni esperamos que se comporte de cierta manera. Puede haber hojas marchitas, árboles secos, terrenos áridos, ríos cubiertos de moho, y aun así no nos perturba. No nos molesta. A la naturaleza la aceptamos tal como es, la dejamos actuar libremente, sin condiciones.

Entre nosotros, los humanos, no ocurre lo mismo. No logramos estar en paz porque vivimos exigiendo, esperando ciertos comportamientos, midiendo constantemente. Hemos aprendido a ver la fealdad en nosotros mismos y en los otros: la vejez se vuelve fea, la imperfección se vuelve motivo de juicio. Todo el tiempo estamos evaluando.

De alguna manera, ya ni siquiera nos miramos con honestidad. Nos volvimos paranoicos: nos escondemos, mentimos, sentimos vergüenza cuando alguna parte de nuestra supuesta fealdad física, la que nos hace inseguros, queda expuesta. Nos arreglamos y nos corregimos para encajar, para mantener una falsa armonía entre nosotros. Es exactamente lo contrario de lo que le concedemos a la naturaleza.

Amamos la naturaleza porque no obedece reglas: es libre, impredecible, espontánea, se multiplica y no se repite. Para nosotros, en cambio, ser puro y libre es una condena. 

otra perspectiva...

Despierta desde las cinco de la mañana para entrar a una clase. A pesar del esfuerzo, me quedé dormida unos treinta minutos…oops!. Terminé a las tres de la tarde: un día larguísimo.

Me tome un break y me fui al hospital de enfrente a caminar, a explorar. Aunque el hospital está justo en frente, cada vez que ando por ahí siento como si estuviera en un lugar lejísimo. 

Las vistas desde ese sitio son increíbles. No voy tan seguido, para no aburrirme. Pero siempre me sorprendo como se ve todo el paisaje desde otra perspectiva. Especialmente en un dia asoleado como hoy.