In the bad books again...

I drove to Stanford around noon. I tried not to use the GPS, got lost, and ended up turning it on, so I arrived later than I’d said. When I got there, JC was sleeping. He opened his eyes, said hi, and went back to sleep. I sat down.

A few minutes later, his mother arrived. As soon as she came in, JC asked her if she had brought what he’d requested. She told me he had asked for a Coca-Cola. I laughed and told JC he should perform a mental funeral for Coke. He then explained that he didn’t plan to drink it—he just wanted to dip the ice chips in it. His mother and I both told him the doctors hadn’t authorized that yet, but he kept insisting.

I called Lydia to ask what she thought. She said it might not be too bad if he was only dipping the ice and suggested getting him a Snapple instead. JC smiled from across the room and said, “That’s my girl!” Then he asked me to go get one. I jumped in the car and drove around downtown San Mateo looking everywhere for a Snapple. I finally found one at a 7-Eleven. JC called to ask me to bring back a cup of ice as well.

When I returned, I gave him a couple of ice chips dipped in Snapple. He smiled with satisfaction, and we all laughed. The problem was that he kept asking for more and more. I told him that too many might be dangerous, but he insisted it wasn’t. I said I was going to check online. The first thing I read said that giving sugary liquids to someone with his throat condition after intubation can be very risky and could lead to pneumonia or even re-intubation. I panicked and became convinced I had compromised his health.

I called Lydia—no answer. I spoke to his mother, who also started to worry. I told her I was going to inform the nurse, because if anything happened, they needed to know. I told the nurse, who reassured me that a few ice chips would not be a problem, but thanked me for telling them so they could monitor him closely. I felt much more at ease and told his mother she could relax.

I went back to JC’s room and started telling him about my jury duty experience. We were talking normally when he asked for another ice chip. As I handed it to him, I mentioned that I had told the nurse about the Snapple. He became very upset, called me a piece of shit, said I had fallen “below the below,” and told his mother and me to leave.

So I left. I drove home. I don’t care how angry he is at me. I wasn’t going to play along with that. He can be so stubborn and arrogant. He thinks he knows better than doctors.  I’ve decided to take a break from visiting him for now.  

I need to go back to painting which I haven't done since this ordeal started. Ironically, I thought his mother was going to be difficult today, but it was him instead.

Sábado en Stanford

​Le prometí a Lydia ir al hospital hoy mientras ella va a su casa. Más que todo es para ayudar a la señora, que se niega a separarse de su hijo. Pensé que podría aprovechar la oportunidad para estudiar para el último examen y explorar un poco más los jardines y las zonas de arte.

Aunque no me gusta mucho estar sola con la señora, siempre me dice cada estupidez. Se siente en confianza conmigo porque puede hablar en español. Con Lydia se comunican mejor por texto, porque Lydia no le entiende bien el inglés cuando lo habla y no tiene la paciencia para escucharla.

Ayer quería que yo le comprara su carro viejo; luego insinuó que yo podría ayudar con los gastos para contratar a una enfermera que cuide a JC en casa (el atrevimiento!).

En otra conversación empezó a hacerme preguntas personales, como queriendo averiguar cuál es mi situación económica. aaaaah! 

Tendré que encontrar la forma de estar pendiente de ella, pero al mismo tiempo mantener cierta distancia. Si le digo que estoy estudiando, a lo mejor me deja en paz. Eso espero.

Los mensajes de texto entre ella y Lydia desde las 7 de la mañana no me han dejado dormir.

A pesar de que Lydia le ha asegurado que JC está bastante mejor y que todo está bajo control, ella siempre encuentra algo negativo por lo cual preocuparse o ponerse ansiosa.

¡Se necesita mucha paciencia!

Sueños

Lo único que recuerdo es que estoy en una conferencia o en una clase. Hay una pantalla proyectando la lección. De pronto, se interrumpe con un comercial. El profesor aprovecha para hacer una pausa. Yo pienso en lo normal que nos parece que haya anuncios en medio de una clase.

Veo a un baby que lo han puesto en una silla, el baby se mueve y está a punto de caer. Corro a sostenerlo pero se me desliza de las manos, y apenas evito que se caiga. La mamá una Indu me dice que está bien que es su baby. Me parece que es descuidada con su bebé. 

El Sol

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Rodin

Qué sorpresa descubrir que, a solo unas cuantas cuadras del hospital, está este jardín con esculturas de Rodin. 

No sabía de su existencia. 

The snake and my dream

Today I drove to Stanford to meet Lydia. JC was drowsy and wanted to rest, so she invited me for coffee at the Parisian café. She ordered a sandwich, and I got a latte and a petit choux. We wandered around with our food, looking for a calm, pleasant place to sit. As we passed beneath wooden beams draped with hanging plants, I suddenly remembered my dream and told her about it. 

As we kept walking under a bright blue sky, surrounded by white flowers (just like in my dream) I started to wonder when the snakes would appear.

We settled in front of the fountain, under the shade of an umbrella. I took a bite of my pastry while Lydia unwrapped her sandwich and lifted it to her mouth. She was about to take a bite when suddenly she shrieked, “AAAAAH!… There’s a hair in my sandwich!”

I leaned in and saw a long black hair trapped between the lettuce and the cheese, dangling like a snake trying to escape from the mouth of its predator. 

I believe this is the non-threatening (yet threatening) snake of my dream.

Sueños

​I am at the hospital, walking along a terrace beneath a wooden structure draped with hanging flowers. I’m talking to Lydia on the phone and tell her to meet me there because it’s so beautiful.

As I walk, I begin to notice several snakes tangled in the wooden beams. At first, I assume they aren’t dangerous the hospital wouldn’t allow that. I keep going, but the snakes start to look threatening.

Then another strange kind of animal appears, looks like a cat but it isn’t. I move to the edge fence of the terrace so they won’t reach me. I pick up a stick and start trying to fend off the snakes and the other creatures. When I look behind me, I see the ocean and a cliff. I’m not sure I can escape.

I jump anyway and fall onto a lower level outside the hospital. But there’s no way for me to get back in.

Finally, someone appears, presses a button, a door opens, and I’m able to walk inside.

——————————-

In another dream, I’m at something like a farmers market, sitting and eating or drinking. I notice a group of people walking by, and as they get closer, I recognize Ming. He looks older and more fragile than before.

I wonder if he still has a tumor in his head (not sure where that thought comes from, and I don’t think he actually has one) I notice a small swelling, like a lump, on the back of his head near his neck. It’s not very obvious, but it’s there.

He seems fine, smiling and talking as if nothing is wrong.

Woke up wondering if he is ok.